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Canine Internet Access

Here are the top twenty reasons why dogs don’t use computers

1. Can't stick their heads out of Windows 95.
2. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
3. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side
4. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
5. Can’t help attacking the screen when they hear "You've got mail."
6. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
7. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
8. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG Frisbee.
9. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
10. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
11. Oh, but they WILL - with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
12. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
13. Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now cats, on the other hand ... [censored]
14. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
15. "Smell-U/Smell-Me" still in beta test.
16. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
17. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
18. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master.leg.
19. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
20. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOi TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. {*Too damn hard to type with paws.}